Tank Tetralogy

Schrodinger vs. the Fish

Schrodinger's favorite sitter, when his human refused to appreciate that he wasn't allowed to leave, was a woman with long hair.  Her home was filled with interesting smells and things to climb on, and he'd never met anybody else who prepared his meals as well or scratched as accurately as his human before or since.

His human was a little stupid, but at least he'd begun to catch on to that.  It was still unfortunately rare, though, that he'd be sent with just her.  But, at least, she was apt to show up when he was sent to his second choice.

The shorter man smelled exactly like the tall man would if he wasn't constantly surrounded by smoke.  This one's method was more to do as he liked, while guests did as they liked, and that was a vast improvement from the sitters who refused to keep their hands off him.  That wasn't why Schrodinger tolerated him, though.

All around the shorter man's home were gigantic boxes full of prey that, if nothing else, he could lay and watch.  If he took to the beds there were innumerable bite-sized snacks, if he went to the couch they were flashy and large enough for a full meal.  His favorite, however, was in the office.  It was all alone in a box about his size, and over-eager to come right up to him like it stood a chance.

He'd learned early on that they were all infuriatingly impossible to get into.  The tops had been made of thick wood, and after watching the shorter human struggle he figured that there were latches underneath.   Schrodinger had figured that, at least, he could have knocked over the box with the arrogant prey; however, it was far too heavy to even budge.

The snacks were in boxes even larger and heavier, and the meals (by far the most barricaded) were locked away in one as large as his favorite couch back in his own territory.  It was almost as if the shorter man had plotted to lock it against him, but humans weren't that smart.

Schrodinger would take to his perches, while he was there, and studied them.  He kept still, with nothing but a periodic tail twitch, and watched them endlessly circle about their cages.  The stupid things had no idea that they were being stalked; all except for the arrogant one who flared up and challenged him to catch it.

He'd bided his time for a long while, and nearly cracked the code, but the new arrival (this annoyance they liked to call 'Fred') threatened to ruin it all.

She darted up and down with the arrogant prey like it was a game, pawed clawlessly at the snacks, and leapt about at the meals like he wouldn't have tried that already.  She did it all noisily, with none of the instincts or dignity a predator should have.

Schrodinger had simply looked upon her with pity, originally, but he'd come to be angry when he realized that her antics kept the short human hovering about the cages.  In the old days he'd sit across the room at best, but now he stood beside them to shoo Fred off.  The man was agreeable to let Schrodinger to his own business, but the man wouldn't be if he thought that his food storage was still in jeopardy.

He'd either need to get rid of Fred, which unfortunately had turned out to be impossible, or find a new plan that kept her out of the way.

Schrodinger, he knew, was smart enough for at least that.

The Melancholy of Alex Rogers

The first text Oliver had sent on Christmas Eve had been to Alex, not to wish him a happy holiday but to unenthusiastically share the kitten which had been thrust upon him.

The first call Alex had made afterwards was to a carpenter to create the strictest barricades possible.

Alex loved a great deal of things about being out in the world, and especially in his cities.  But, when it came to quiet nights at home, he was perfectly content to flip a ballgame on for background noise as he tended to his fish tanks.

He'd taken to the hobby well over a century ago, when the still novel idea of keeping fish indoors was first brought to his home.  It was, at that point, an experiment of the wealthy and so thoroughly European.  Naturally Alex couldn't resist, and he nurtured and followed as it expended from ceramic bowls to the self-sustaining 200 gallon in his living room.

And he'd never been the sort who could stop at one.  In the dining area he kept the colorful, flashy sorts of fish that drew in praise even when the viewer had no clue what they were looking at.

In the bedrooms, it was all about creating landscapes out of carefully manicured plants and rocks. The fish were as small as he could find them to amplify the vastness he'd simulated.

And upon his desk, where he spent the most time, lived a lone Betta who maneuvered around the same sort of growth it'd find in rice patties.  The fish watched him work and eagerly danced about for his attention until it became nearest to his heart.

As he'd feared, all of his hard work was also at the top of Schrodinger's interests.  It had taken nearly a year of failed attacks, but the cat had finally come to accept that the carpenter's methods of latching, weighting, and bolting had made them impenetrable no matter how large he grew.

Since then, he'd been as close to a joy to watch as a miserable grouch like Schrodinger could be.  They both took to the couch, if not the bed, to listen to baseball and take in fish circling about the worlds he'd created for them.  He'd even come to take Alex's lap while he worked, to rest his chin upon the arm rest and watch the Betta wriggle about.  Life was quiet and, dare he say, nice.

He hadn't at all anticipated how much more lively things would become once he introduced Fred to the equation.  Not that he hadn't known the kitten he'd given to Oliver would be far more playful than Schrodinger had ever been (he'd picked it out specifically for that), but he'd never really expected that he'd watch her far more than his tanks.

Schrodinger had swiped furiously at him a few minutes before when he dared get in the way of his view.  When Alex had stretched out on the far end of the couch and flipped on the game, as the two had years ago accepted as routine, the cat gave him a persistent, annoyed look.  He twitched an ear towards the tank where Fred leapt about, wildly, for a better angle.

Alex smirked.  "Let her have her fun.  You were like that as a kitten, too, you know."

The cat's ears pulled down, irritably.

"Just saying."

Fred bounced a bit more, and Alex eagerly returned the game, before she realized that perhaps it would be better to try from the dining table.  She backed up until her hind legs hit the glass centerpiece, and her tail twitched wildly against the flowers.  Fred excitedly charged and launched herself at a particularly large pearl gourami.

She slammed head first into the tank.  The fish scattered as she crashed down to the ground with a long wail.  Schrodinger turned and gave Alex a fierce look, one that almost demanded 'you see what happens?' as she cried.

Alex sighed, and moved to get up before Fred wobbled her way over to him.  He picked her up, and placed her in his lap, where she mewled pathetically and nuzzled for all the sympathy she could milk.

He scratched at her ear and noted, but disregarded, when Schrodinger casually leapt down from the couch and climbed the spiral staircase.  There was a litter box on the second floor, beds to lie on, and a glass door to the porch where birds liked to perch.  A million unimportant cat things to do that mattered so much less than a tie at the bottom of the sixth.

The only thing that managed to drag Alex's attention away was a tapping at his waist.  He glanced down to find that Fred had recovered, and found a new toy in his belt buckle.  Alex regarded it as cute, for a bit, until he remembered that Oliver was both fiercely opposed to declawing and not the best at teaching Fred restraint.  To let her bat so eagerly, so close to his groin, was dangerous.

He smiled, nervously, and grabbed her favorite catnip mouse.  Her ears perked at the jingle of the bell, as opposed to her name, and happily chased after it as he dangled the toy about.

The game drew into the ninth, and still the tie hadn't broken.  Alex's hand continued the mindless game with Fred, but the rest of him was fully engrossed in the play.  And Fred, as well, became engrossed as the light caught on the belt buckle so much more than on the tiny bell of the mouse.

Alex was far too absorbed in the drama of the final pitches to notice she'd stopped her batting, flexed her claws, and dove at him.

He screeched and clutched his wound.  Fred panicked, and scrambled off before he'd managed to hit the ground, and the sound of something smashing upstairs said that Schrodinger had done the same thing.

There was blood, he could feel it, and the crowd on TV roared for a side he hadn't caught.  His first aid supplies were unfortunately far away upstairs and he still needed to find what, exactly, Schrodinger had managed to destroy.  Oliver owed him so immensely, not that he'd accept that.

As he slowly worked himself to the point that he was able to stand, Fred had become bold enough to sneak back over to him.  She licked at his hair, apologetically, and nuzzled into his hand when he eventually became able to pat her.

Alex worked his way to his feet and limped off for bandages.  There was a smudge on the now-calm 200 gallon that he'd have to clean off later, compliments of the kitten who danced about his feet on the stairs.

He smiled, weakly, as his Betta wriggled a welcome when he peeked into the office.  Schrodinger had taken a two thousand dollar lamp to the ground with him and, by the way Fred happily fished under Alex's bed towards growling, had scared himself half to death in the process.

Until he was bandaged up, he just wanted a break from cats.  It wasn't enough that they walked about every surface (especially ones he cooked on) with filthy paws, and got hair all over his designer clothing.  They had started to attack him, and he just needed a few minutes to himself.  Alex shut the bathroom door as he removed the cloth bandages and antiseptic.

With the master bath nowhere near as barricaded as his tanks, the cats rather quickly managed to get into it to watch him dress his wound.

As they stared at him, one just as confused as the other was unimpressed, Alex wondered how much easier his life would have been if his first response had been to text Oliver about stopping by a shelter on his way home, rather than just barricade himself for the coming problems.

He should have learned, by now, the benefits of being proactive.

Adventures with Fred

the best thing in the world was the smoky man but if fred had to pick a second best thing it would definitely be these things that she had come across the were small and shiny and fast and with the way that schrodinger looked at them they definitely had the possibility to be tasty and the best things in the world were tasty and if they could be shiny and fast and tasty all at the same time that just made them unimaginably good didnt it

they were behind something that was hard and cool or warm and it was very frustrating because all she wanted to do was touch them and maybe eat them a little and that she couldnt bite down like her mouse toy was frustrating but that was nothing like how frustrating it was that she was too little to see them and had to jump a lot and maybe if she could get a better angle then when she tried to catch them and maybe nibble a bit then she would be able to get through that hard thing so she went up on the place that the man who was there instead of the blond human would yell at her for but he wasnt looking so it was okay and it gave her the perfect point to jump from

but it was too hard and suddenly her head hurt and why didnt that work because it really seemed like it should have fred really wanted a lap to crawl into and the human they were with was nice enough when she didnt try to sniff and eat his food and she went over to him as best she could and he seemed happy because he picked her up and held her and pet her and schrodinger gave her an angry look but he was always angry so she just took all the petting he didnt want and it felt so much better that soon even her ears didnt ring

and he had a shiny thing on him and fred figured that was as good as the ones that were behind the hard thing and it was so much easier to get so she hit at it with all she had but suddenly there was her mouse!  he had it and that was fantastic and fred played with it for a while but the shiny thing was so much better and she figured that maybe it would taste good like the others she had to try because dinner wasnt until forever from now and maybe she would starve to death before then and thatd be horrible so she had to try and she put out her claws and pounced

she ran away when he let out a horrible noise and grabbed for her and she hid behind the couch until he made smaller noises that were just as bad and she had to tell him that she had saved him from the thing that wasnt gleaming anymore so she licked his hair and he patted her thank you even though he still made bad noises when he got up and went to where there were even more shiny things kept up in boxes and she was excited so fred went up with him and schrodinger was mad under the bed and yelled about how she had ruined everything but he was always mad so she tried to follow the human into the room with all the water but he shut the door

schrodinger was bigger so he was able to get in even though it was closed and when fred followed him the human was doing something that was really weird and he made angry noises at them but he was happy with fred and she didn't understand why he didnt know you shouldnt use angry noises when you were happy so she followed behind him to make him stop when he went back down and made the flashing box change a lot and even when she brought him her mouse he didnt want to look at it

but that didnt matter for long because the blond one came back and when fred ran to him he picked her up and made happy noises and schrodinger came but there were no more arms so he just had to rub against his legs and it was nice when fred won for a little bit because she was little and that didnt happen much and so she told her human that he needed to come see the shiny things and schrodinger asked him for help getting one because he was big enough but all they got were pats and her human really needed to listen more

the humans made angry noises at each other and fred only got a little pets before she was put in her box to head up to her place and she didnt get any of the shinies but she didn't want to be around very long if they were just going to make louder and worse noises and she was happy when she got to leave and when her box was put down the smoky man was there! and she called for him to come pet her and tell him about all the good things that she had seen but he didnt look back and when they went back to their territory she definitely would curl up with him and do just that because he was probably too sleepy then

and so was she.

Oliver Makes Things Worse

When Oliver was honest with himself, Schrodinger didn't like a lot of people.  That didn't make him a bad cat, of course, that just made him… particular about who he could choose to cat-sit.

The best choice was Jane, as she seemed the only person that both his cats would willingly curl up with.  She'd been apologetically unavailable , though, and had offered with a shrug that Alex would be home.

But it'd been a week with no incidents reported, and Oliver did his best to hope that perhaps Alex had finally overcome his differences with the cats.  He could certainly use some good news.  He'd suffered with Jean's nicotine withdrawal over a 12 hour flight, and then a reasonable dinner and an uninspired play that had been meant to calm him down.

It was clear that relations hadn't improved, necessarily, when Alex opened the door.  And Oliver was ready to ask what had happened, but there were more pressing matters, first.

"What on Earth… are you stuffing now?" Oliver asked, with his best attempts not to laugh.  He took Fred up, when she leapt excitedly at him, and stepped carefully when Schrodinger galloped down the stairs to rub against hi.

Alex glowered at him and limped deeper into the apartment.  "No.  Your stupid cat tried to castrate me!"

Oliver smirked as politely as he could.  "Oh, come on, it couldn't have been all that bad."

"And then your other stupid cat took down a $2,000 lamp," Alex snapped, fiercely.

"Which one?" Oliver asked as he bent down to say his hellos to Schrodinger.

Alex motioned upstairs with a jerk of the thumb.  "The one in my office, and it's lucky that's all he took down with him."

Oliver shrugged and let Fred go so that he could dig through his bag.  "That's not a big loss, at least.  It was an ugly lamp anyways."  He smiled, and pulled a bottle out of his bag.  "I bought you  some Merlot when I visited Château Margaux, by the way.  It's an excellent year."

Alex looked over the bottle, and nodded almost reluctantly.  "Yes, it was."  He put it back down on the counter.  "I'll get some glasses, if you want to get the corkscrew."

"Oh, sorry, next time."

Alex, slowly turned to look over his shoulder, with a look far more annoyed than confused.  "What do you mean 'next time'?  Are you honestly leaving immediately after a twelve hour flight?"

"Well, Jean's in the car…" Oliver said, apologetically, as he gathered up the cat toys.

"So nice of him to come help you bring your cats downstairs."  Alex's words came through gritted teeth, as he kept his back to the rest of the apartment.

"I couldn't really ask him, he's so tired," Oliver shook his head.  "He fell asleep during the play tonight.  Can you imagine falling asleep when you're sitting in Broadway?  And for all the culture he insists he has."

"You went to Broadway…?" Alex gripped the counter for what looked to be balance.  "How long have you been here without telling me?"

"Just a few hours," Oliver insisted.  "I wanted to at least relax a bit before I had to get on my next flight."

Alex turned with a glare.  "Just get their shit and leave."

"Alex…"

"Don't, just don't.  I don't care if I wasn't invited, it's basic protocol that you tell someone when you make it to their house.  It's not enough your pets destroy my house, you have to slap me in the face, too?"  He took out a wine glass, a large sort used for red wine.

Oliver hesitated, not sure even how to begin.  He loaded the cats into their carriers, instead.  "Alex, I'm sorry… Jean was just saying…"

"Well, you can go tell him that he's one step away from an international breakdown.  I'm sure he'll be proud of himself."   Alex wouldn't look back.  "I'm sending you a bill for the lamp, and the scratches Fred put into my tank."

There was really no talking him out of this, Oliver knew, and he wasn't about to try and risk another fight.  He gathered his cats and left for the car.

Jean just barely woke up to the sound of mewling, and as the doors of the rental car shut rather roughly.  He looked over as Oliver heavily rested his head on the steering wheel.  "What's wrong with you?"

"Alex is furious I didn't call him when we landed," Oliver groaned.  "Fred clawed him up and Schrodinger smashed one of his lamps…  I haven't seen him so angry at me in a long time."

Jean rolled his eyes, readjusted in his seat and turned over to sleep.  "Forget it, he's probably just having a fit because the Yankees lost."

Oliver tried to ignore the smirk in Jean's voice as they left the parking lot.  He was probably just tired and imagining things.